My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
