why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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