Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
this hospital has no fireball
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
