Your face is a jimmy john
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
