I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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