there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
