There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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