batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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