I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
