you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
