i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
