In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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