I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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