Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
