woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had to cum in my sink.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
