I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
