I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
