If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
