I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
