Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
