why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
