Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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