you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
