Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
