I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
