Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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