You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
