I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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