hotel room ftw
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
