My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
