just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I came so hard my ears popped.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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