Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
