I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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