I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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