help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
