you would pick up someone in the library
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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