OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
