My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
