Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
