end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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