We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
