I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
