tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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