Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
