OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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