I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
