Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
