Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My cat gives me a boner
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
