this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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