i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
